Costly Meat – Personal Stories

I have received many responses to my question about the cost involved in adhering to “higher” standards of Kashrut, and as I expected, my assumption was right. Though it seems that Kosher meat is ubiquitous and easy to purchase, the problems run much deeper. There were stories of embarrassment, alienation, guilt, and even of abandoning religion partially or completely. That is a hefty price to pay for the insistence on not consuming meat which until recently was considered perfectly kosher.

Here are some of the readers’ stories (identifying details were omitted to protect privacy):

Inconvenience:

It seems this issue comes up whenever we go to Israel. As many Hotels and restaurants (especially outside of Jerusalem) do not offer Bet Yosef meat.  Whenever we would have a buffet dinner we were told to only eat the chicken, since the meats are not Glatt/bet Yosef.

Even in Jerusalem the options for Friday night dinner were very limited as only a few places that have Glatt kosher meals on Shabbat were available. Although this is not a financial concern it was an inconvenience as we were not able to fully enjoy the meals on Shabbat.

Abandoning Observance:

I have a friend in… when financially struggling to take care of four children, she was shunned because she gave up Glatt. So she gave up kosher meat altogether and two of her four children now give no regard to anything Jewish. I thought stringencies were supposed to be voluntary?

Social Problems:

Mine were all social. During my year in Israel, we were given a class on the different Kashrut supervisions of the land… I went to… a primarily Ashkenazi yeshiva… We were told that we should only be eating Glatt, especially the Sephardic boys, which crossed off a bunch of restaurants that we were planning to go to with my family. In addition, when I came home, I was told that Bishul Akum [food cooked by non-Jews] was a huge problem, and felt I had to take on this stricture for the sake of my soul, and got into an embarrassing fight with my parents about calling the local Chinese restaurant to ensure that the Mashgiach turned on the fire for our dishes. My sister in law just reported that she had to change around her whole menu to accommodate one Sephardic person in the family who only ate Cholov Yisroel.

Value of Higher Standards but Some Regret:

…I am grateful to and proud of my parents… there was never a moment when myself or any of my siblings felt that we wanted to be rebellious. We followed everything told to us, as both my parents knew when to be lenient on us… but…

[there was a Deli which was] very popular especially for Sunday hangout and Sunday evening. We were told not to eat there because it was not Shomer Shabbat nor was it Glatt. At times, I would join my friends there to sit with them but not eat. I did feel bad that at that time (14-18 years old) [since] social friends were very important. But, all of that stuff gave me character, and when they would also eat fish or waffles, pancakes, eggs, in regular non-kosher restaurants I was able to stand strong and not partake, and always kept my friends anyway. But… Deli always bothered me as I would see key community members enjoying themselves there…

Second story, which I have regrets for… A close friend had a Sheva Berachot Kiddush in his house. Since his father was of modest means, it was only for immediate family and his group of 7-8 friends. All home cooked, but they were not fully Shomer Shabbat nor did they understand or care for the Glatt issue… we sang and drank, and I hardly put in my plate, and ate fruits. My friend and his mother kept insisting for me to eat, and as I matured I always felt that I embarrassed them and made them feel bad. I also would have enjoyed the Shabbat much more had I eaten. It always stayed with me that it was a major mistake that I let them feel bad…

Price:

Anytime you eat in a kosher restaurant, or buy any kosher food, you pay a premium over non-kosher for practically no reason. Passover time borders on the criminal. There’s always a financial loss.

Losing Friends:

I have had to buy new set of dishes in honor of my serious Kosher friends when they came over for dinner once. Honestly, we have lost our friendships with those who are Kosher and religious, because we are not very strict and they prefer to spend time with their peers. I find that it has created various groups and hence criticism and aloofness, whereby if you do not comply with their needs, you are frowned upon. This, to me, is rather offensive and not on a humane level. However, I also know people who are Kosher, but will not impose their will. I think the Kosher factor is more of an industry to make a lot of money from the masses who have a need to follow and find solace. It’s sad. Please forgive me if I am offensive. We are vegetarian after all.

[this story is particularly sad to me, as this reader and her family are the most lovely people, and, as she writes at the conclusion, they are vegetarian! People should learn Halakha seriously before offending and cutting off friends…]

My own stories:

Where do I even start? There are so many… I guess I will limit myself to two truly personal stories:

Abandoning My Tradition:

After losing my grandfather, Hakham Shaul Ftaya zt”l, when I was seventeen, my rabbis were able to push me towards a Haredi Litvak Yeshiva. Had my grandfather been alive, he would knock some sense into me, but I lost my guide and master and I was on my own. In the beginning, I resisted the fanatical theology [for example: no jeans or sandals, no scientific literature, though pictures of animals were OK as a means to appreciate creation, no military service etc.] After a year or two, however, some things started to take root, and at one point I told me parents that the meat we were eating was not Kosher enough. Despite my mother’s objection and her insistence that her father, Hakham Shaul, a ten-generation rabbi, had no problems with it, I remained stubborn. She eventually gave in and bought the frozen Glatt, imported from Argentina, which was more expensive and less chewable than the “regular” meat. This is something I had deeply regretted, though I know I was brainwashed by my rabbis at the high school and the Yeshiva, and I am in the process of trying to forgive them.

Starving and Carbing:

Years later, when we lived in LA, my son was pushed by his rabbis to attend an East Coast yeshiva. I believe in letting people make their choices, and so he left to live and learn in a place where most of the people, as he told me only years later, were very “kalte” (cold, in Yiddish). At a certain point, he was not feeling well and very weak for a long time, and we were trying to offer help remotely. Finally, he confessed to me that he does not eat meat at the Yeshiva because it is not Bet Yosef, and since the place was not big on fresh food and vegetables, he ended up eating carbs and junk food, which made him sick. At that moment I realized that what I did to my parents is coming back to haunt me. I explained to him, as I am hoping to do in this forum with much more detail, that Glatt meat IS Bet Yosef meat, but he insisted that there are some minute differences. I asked him if he eats at his rabbis’ homes and he answered that he avoided the meat there. I asked how can he trust the Yeshiva and the Rabbis regarding his spiritual food but not the physical food, and he then agreed that I should talk to the Rosh Yeshive. After we spoke, the rabbi called my son and spoke to him about that, only to end the conversation with uncertainty [read with Talmudic intonation while driving your thumb up and down]: “your father may be right, but maybe there is a concern, and maybe we should ask a Posek.” This was never done, although the Yeshiva would get for him once a month or two a piece of Bet Yosef meat.

These stories are only a small fraction of the many Kashrut related problems and conflicts I have encountered.

While it is fine and even beneficial to adhere to higher standards, there is no justification for the high cost we are paying in the form of shaming and embarrassing others, fighting with parents and friends, severing friendships, taking extended guilt trips, or depriving ourselves from enjoying life [in a fully permissible way]. When talking of the financial aspect, it definitely exists, especially for those who do not live near major Jewish concentrations. The banal solution – move to a Jewish area – does not work for everyone, and I did not even mention the problem with institutions and organizations, especially in Israel, which are forced to pay a fortune to keep up with the “higher standards” of a minority group, and yes, one of these is the IDF.

I believe that it is hard for someone to argue that no cost is involved in adhering to Glatt or Bet Yosef standards, and what is left now to do is understand what these terms mean.