Forgive Me, For I have Vowed

parashat matot broken vows
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In Parashat Matot we are introduced to the legal intricacies of making vows. I am using the word “vow” here in its halakhic sense, which is a commitment to perform or avoid a certain action. The rabbis of the Mishnah argued that vows can be undone if it can be proven that the one who took the vow was not fully aware of its implications. For example, R. Akiva’s father-in-law vowed to not give his daughter even a penny of his possessions, because she married an ignoramus. Years later, when he regretted his vow, he was asked if he would have still made the vow had he known that his son-in-law will become a learned man. He answered negatively, and the rabbi (who happened to be R. Akiva himself) declared the vow null and void. However, the rabbis also stated in the Mishnah that there is no logical or biblical basis for the practice of undoing a vow. R. Ovadia of Bertinoro explains that there was an oral tradition which allowed a court to nullify vows, but it is also possible that the process was created by the rabbis to fight the phenomenon of excessive vowing. If one would ask how can the rabbis nullify a vow which according to the Torah is binding for life, we will have to say that once the rabbis introduced the idea of a conditional vow, the possibility of undoing a vow became built into the process.

As I mentioned, Mishnaic rabbis faced a serious problem as people tended to take vows upon themselves and to swear in uncalled for manner. The situation was so bad that Mishnaic sages mentioned the possibility of filing for divorce because one’s spouse makes to many vows. One of those sages, Rabbi Tarphon, swore at five different occasions that a certain Halakha is incorrect, and said that if he is mistaken his sons should die. That reality raises two questions: why did people feel the urge to make vows, and why were the rabbis concerned about it?

The answer to the first question is that making a vow is usually a result of weakness. We bind ourselves with a commitment which cannot be nullified and which has a religious status, so we will not be tempted to break it. When trying to start a diet, for example, one might make a vow which will deprive him of a favorite activity every time he breaks the diet. In that sense vows are helpful, because they demonstrate one’s awareness of possible pitfalls in the future, and the willingness to set protective devices while still in control. This concept is beautifully illustrated in Homer’s Odyssey, as Odysseus prepares himself to pass near the dreadful sirens, mythical creatures who would entice sailors with their enchanting singing and then devour them. He tells his crewmen to tie him to the mast and plug their ears, so he alone will be able to hear the song, but will also be rendered unable to control the ship:

…first, we should guard against the wondrous voices of the Sirens in their flowery meadows… I alone should listen to them. But you must tie me down with cruel bonds, so I stay where I am and cannot move, standing upright at the mast. You must fix the rope at both its ends onto the mast. If I start ordering you to set me free you must tie me down with still more rope. 

It is interesting to note that the same root is used in Hebrew for tying or binding and for making a prohibitive vow – אסר. Odysseus knows that he would not be able to resist the temptation and therefore, while still in possession of his faculties, requests to be tied to the mast. When the dieter says that if he eats a piece of cake he will punish himself by not playing video games for a week, he binds himself into obedience before he is tempted. 

So, if vows can help us control ourselves, why did the rabbis fear excessive vowing? Because we should be able to control ourselves without turning every commitment into a religious one, or without including a self-inflicted punishment. The dieter could replace the punishment with thoughts of fitting into more complementing clothes or felling healthier, instead of implicating himself in new sets of regulations. This insight is also applicable to education. To succeed in parenting or teaching, there should be few rules, which can be easily forced, while the major part of the educational process should rely on the parents and teachers serving as role models.

In that vein, I suggest we read in the following manner the conclusion of the most famous nullification of vows, the Kol Nidrei, recited on the eve of Kippur:

All religious vows, oaths, and prohibitions, which we unnecessarily took upon ourselves, are declared null and void. We will strive to gradually improve our behavior by sheer willpower, without the aid of fear-inducing vows and oaths. May God forgive our iniquities, and help us overcome our weaknesses and embark on a path of a greater self-awareness.

Ref:

  1. Hagigah 1:8.
  2. B. Ketuboth 71:1.
  3. M. Ahalot 16:1; T. Shabbat 13:5; T. Hagigah 3:33; T. Zevahim 1:8; Y. Yoma 1:1.
  4.  Odyssey, Book 12, V. 203-212.

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Mourner’s Kaddish (Kaddish Yatom), traditionally said by mourners––that is, those who have lost a parent during the previous eleven months or a child, sibling, or spuce during the last thirty days––and by those observing the anniversary of the death of those close relatives. (In many contemporary communities, the full congregation says it in support of the mourners, and in memory of the six million Jews who perished during the Holocaust, assuming that at least one died on any given day.) The mourners Kaddish omits lines 7 and 8 of the Full Kaddish that asks God to answer our prayers, because presumably, God did not grant the mourner’s prayers that the relative recover and live).
אבל: יִתְגַּדַּל וְיִתְקַדַּשׁ שְׁמֵהּ רַבָּא
[קהל: אמן] בְּעָלְמָא דִּי בְרָא כִרְעוּתֵהּ וְיַמְלִיךְ מַלְכוּתֵהּ בְּחַיֵּיכון וּבְיומֵיכון וּבְחַיֵּי דְכָל בֵּית יִשרָאֵל בַּעֲגָלָא וּבִזְמַן קָרִיב, וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן: [קהל: אמן] קהל ואבל: יְהֵא שְׁמֵהּ רַבָּא מְבָרַךְ לְעָלַם וּלְעָלְמֵי עָלְמַיָּא אבל: יִתְבָּרַךְ וְיִשְׁתַּבַּח וְיִתְפָּאַר וְיִתְרומַם וְיִתְנַשּא וְיִתְהַדָּר וְיִתְעַלֶּה וְיִתְהַלָּל שְׁמֵהּ דְּקֻדְשָׁא. בְּרִיךְ הוּא. [קהל: בריך הוא:] לְעֵלָּא מִן כָּל בִּרְכָתָא בעשי”ת: לְעֵלָּא לְעֵלָּא מִכָּל וְשִׁירָתָא תֻּשְׁבְּחָתָא וְנֶחֱמָתָא דַּאֲמִירָן בְּעָלְמָא. וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן: [קהל: אמן] יְהֵא שְׁלָמָא רַבָּא מִן שְׁמַיָּא וְחַיִּים עָלֵינוּ וְעַל כָּל יִשרָאֵל. וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן: [קהל: אמן] עושה שָׁלום בִּמְרומָיו הוּא יַעֲשה שָׁלום עָלֵינוּ וְעַל כָּל יִשרָאֵל וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן: [קהל: אמן]

וְזֹ֖את הַתּוֹרָ֑ה אֲשֶׁר־שָׂ֣ם מֹשֶׁ֔ה לִפְנֵ֖י בְּנֵ֥י יִשְׂרָאֵֽל׃ תּוֹרָ֥ה צִוָּה־לָ֖נוּ מֹשֶׁ֑ה מוֹרָשָׁ֖ה קְהִלַּ֥ת יַעֲקֹֽב׃ הָאֵל֮ תָּמִ֢ים דַּ֫רְכּ֥וֹ אִמְרַֽת־יְהֹוָ֥ה צְרוּפָ֑ה מָגֵ֥ן ה֝֗וּא לְכֹ֤ל ׀ הַחֹסִ֬ים בּֽוֹ׃

Before reading the Torah:
הַשֵּׁם עִמָּכֶם.
יְבָרֶכְךָ הַשֵּׁם.
 

 .בָּרְכוּ אֶת יְהֹוָה הַמְּבֹרָךְ
.בָּרוּךְ יְהֹוָה הַמְּבֹרָךְ לְעוֹלָם וָעֶד
.בָּרוּךְ יְהֹוָה הַמְּבֹרָךְ לְעוֹלָם וָעֶד

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְהֹוָה, אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר בָּחַר בָּנוּ מִכָּל הָעַמִּים וְנָתַן לָנוּ אֶת תּוֹרָתוֹ. בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְהֹוָה, נוֹתֵן הַתּוֹרָה:
 אמן.

After reading the Torah:

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְהֹוָה, אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר נָתַן לָנוּ אֶת תּוֹרָתוֹ תּוֹרַת אֱמֶת, וְחַיֵּי עוֹלָם נָטַע בְּתוֹכֵנוּ. בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְהֹוָה, נוֹתֵן הַתּוֹרָה:
אמן.

Beracha recited before the reading of the Haftara:

Mi Sheberach, the Jewish prayer for healing, is one of the most meaningful prayers in Judaism. It is a public prayer or blessing for an individual or group, most often recited in synagogue when the Torah is being read. 

He who blessed our fathers Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, Moses and Aaron, David and Solomon, may he heal ___ who is ill. May the Holy One, blessed be he, have mercy and speedily restore him to perfect health, both spiritual and physical; and let us say, Amen.

מִי שֶׁבֵּרַךְ אֲבוֹתֵֽינוּ, אַבְרָהָם יִצְחָק וְיַעֲקֹב, משֶׁה וְאַהֲרֹן, דָּוִד וּשְׁלֹמֹה, הוּא יְבָרֵךְ וִירַפֵּא אֶת הַחוֹלֶה ___. הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא יִמָּלֵא רַחֲמִים עָלָיו לְהַחֲלִימוֹ וּלְרַפֹּאתוֹ, לְהַחֲזִיקוֹ וּלְהַחֲיוֹתוֹ, וְיִשְׁלַח לוֹ מְהֵרָה רְפוּאָה שְׁלֵמָה, רְפוּאַת הַנֶּֽפֶשׁ וּרְפוּאַת הַגּוּף; וְנֹאמַר אָמֵן.

Tefilat HaDerech (Hebrew: תפילת הדרך), also known as the Traveler’s Prayer or Wayfarer’s Prayer in English, is a prayer for safe travel recited by Jews when traveling by air, sea, or long car trips. It is recited at the start of every journey, preferably standing, but this is not required. It is frequently inscribed on hamsas, which may also include the Shema or Birkat HaBayit prayer.

In the “Blessing of Thanksgiving” (Birkat HaGomel), persons in four different categories should express gratitude to God for His compassion toward them:
One who has done one of the following: a) traveled across the ocean (by an international flight, etc.); b) traversed the desert; c) recovered from a very serious illness; d) been released from prison.
All other potentially fatal circumstances that one escapes, such as a wall crumbling on him, an ox goring him, thieves, auto accidents, etc., fall under the category of desert.

The reader recites:

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה’ אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם הַגּוֹמֵל לְחַיָּבִים טוֹבוֹת שֶׁגְּמָלַנִי כָּל טוֹב.

 
The congregations responds:

מִי שֶׁגְמַלְךָ כֹּל טוֹב הוּא יִגְמַלְךָ כֹּל טוֹב סֶלָה.

NameSymbolSephardi
Sof passukב׃‎סוֹף פָּסֽוּק‎
Sof pasuk
Etnachtaב֑‎אַתְנָ֑ח‎
Atnaḥ
Segolב֒‎סְגוֹלְתָּא֒‎
Segolta
Shalsheletב֓‎שַׁלְשֶׁ֓לֶת‎
Šalšeleþ
Zakef katanב֔‎זָקֵף קָט֔וֹן‎
Záqéf Qáţown
Zakef gadolב֕‎זָקֵף גָּד֕וֹל‎
Záqéf Ggádowl
Tifchaב֖‎טַרְחָ֖א‎
Tarḥa
Riviaב֗‎רְבִ֗יע‎
Revia
Zarkaב֮‎זַרְקָא֮‎
Zarqa
Pashtaב֙‎קַדְמָא֙‎
Qadma
Shene pashtinב֨‎ב֙‎תְּרֵ֨י קַדְמִין֙‎
Tere qadmin
Yetivב֚‎יְ֚תִיב‎
Yetiv
Tevirב֛‎תְּבִ֛יר‎
Tviyr
Pazerב֡‎פָּזֶר גָּד֡וֹל‎
Pazer gadol
Qarne farahב֟‎קַרְנֵי פָרָ֟ה‎
Qarne farah
Telisha gedolaב֠‎תִּ֠רְצָה‎
Tirtzah
Gereshב֜‎גְּרִ֜ישׁ‎
Gerish
Gershayimב֞‎שְׁנֵי גְרִישִׁ֞ין‎
Shene gerishin
Munachב׀‎פָּסֵ֣ק׀‎
Paseq
Merchaב֥‎מַאֲרִ֥יךְ‎
Maarich
Munachב֣‎שׁוֹפָר הוֹלֵ֣ךְ‎
Shofar holech
Mahpachב֤‎‏(שׁוֹפָר) מְהֻפָּ֤ךְ‎
(Shofar) mehuppach
Dargaב֧‎דַּרְגָּ֧א‎
Ddarggá
Kadmaב֨‎אַזְלָ֨א or קַדְמָ֨א‎
Azla or Qadma[18]
Telisha ketanaב֩‎תַּלְשָׁא֩‎
Talsha
Mercha kefulaב֦‎תְּרֵי טַעֲמֵ֦י‎
Tere ta’ame
Yerach ben yomoב֪‎יֵרֶח בֶּן יוֹמ֪וֹ‎
Yeraḥ ben yomo

Spanish-Portuguese custom

זַרְקָא֮ מַקַּף־שׁוֹפָר־הוֹלֵ֣ךְ סְגוֹלְתָּא֒ פָּזֵר גָּד֡וֹל תַ֠לְשָׁא תִּ֩ילְשָׁא אַזְלָ֨א גֵּ֜רֵישׁ פָּסֵק  ׀  רָבִ֗יעַ שְׁנֵי־גֵרֵישִׁ֞ין דַּרְגָ֧א תְּבִ֛יר מַאֲרִ֥יךְ טַרְחָ֖א אַתְנָ֑ח שׁוֹפָר־מְהֻפָּ֤ךְ קַדְמָא֙ תְּרֵ֨י־קַדְמִין֙ זָקֵף־קָט֔וֹן זָקֵף־גָּד֕וֹל שַׁלְשֶׁ֓לֶת תְּרֵי־טַעֲמֵ֦י יְ֚תִיב סוֹף־פָּסֽוּק׃

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